I miss my husband, terribly. I speak to him almost every day we talk for hours on end, but I miss being able to see his smile, feel his touch and most importantly just his presence. He’s been deployed 10 months and we have 5 more to go. I appreciate the out pouring of support I receive from friends, family and even strangers, but nothing really takes away the ache in my heart from him not being here. Someone recently told me they admired my strength and appreciated my husband’s courage and his contribution to the safety of our country and I wish I could say those kind words made it all worthwhile (don’t get me wrong I appreciate the sentiment!) but I don’t feel strong at all, shoot I don’t feel worthy of her admiration to tell the truth. No one can understand the fear that clutches my heart when I don’t hear from him by a certain time everyday or how I feel when I wake up every morning and I pick up my Blackberry before I even brush my teeth to see if he’s emailed me. I feel that as long as I see his name in my message list I can breathe a little easier and continue on with my day. I don’t have the luxury of breaking down, being stressed out or depressed..well I do but even if I feel anything I have to hold it all in for the sake of our two year old daughter. What can I say to her when she asks why are you crying? Mommy misses Daddy? Yeah I could, but I know she misses him too, even if she can’t articulate it that well I know it when she cries from frustration and calls out for him. I’ve been trying to be positive as this deployment is almost over and in 5 months (God Willing) he will be right here where he belongs! I am doing my best to focus on that positive and not think about the fact there are already talks of the next deployment for 2009, because if I allow myself to dwell for too long I think I would just fall into a pit of despair and wallow in self pity, but I push on with the knowledge there are so many military wives out there that have done it far longer than I have and they do it with their heads held high sure they may falter ever so often but they never give up and that inspires me; their strength motivates me to continue on and to (not always) patiently wait on his return.
No this is not a Halloween costume… this is how Charlie “Wiggy” Johnson looks everyday… he walks up and down the streets of Hinesville covered in numerous wigs and garbage bags and whatever other materials he decides to add to his outfit. The first time I saw Wiggy I was like WTH?! Since that time seeing him doesn’t even faze me… like today I saw him walking into KFC and I kept moving…well after I snapped his pic..LOL!
I am at work…bored out of my mind! I have an hour to go and not a damn thing to do..which I guess could be a good thing considering the duties of my job… it is actually a good day in my opinion if I am NOT doing my job because, though I have a good cause at times it can be damn depressing and just down right sad when you think about it, I mean really who wants to be the bearer of bad news? I am probably one of the most sensitive people I know so giving bad news is difficult. If I get to a point where I don’t have a problem doing my job then I think I will be in trouble. I mean you have to have some sort of feelings or human”ness” about yourself to tell someone they have HIV or some other STD, right?
This should have been posted yesterday, but so what it still applies!
Today is the day to begin. This new year is a blank canvas upon which you have the delightful opportunity to paint. As you do, be authentic. Your greatest accomplishments are the ones that contain the greatest quantity of you. Be innovative and creative. The challenges you face will melt away when you apply fresh, original thinking to them. Remember not to take yourself too seriously. You’ll climb much higher when you’re thoroughly enjoying the effort. As you move forward, do so with genuine and persistent integrity. That way, the results you create will be results that are actually worth attaining. Today you stand at the beginning of a grand adventure, with the very real and present opportunity to shape this year into the best one ever. Begin now, take the initiative, and never stop living life according to who you know you are.
— Ralph Marston