Treading water….

I have not worked in around 13 months. Being unemployed for the first time since graduating college and for so long has taken a toll on my self-worth. My situation could be worse and I am keenly aware of that fact. I appreciate the fact my husband works everyday and our family is not suffering and we have a roof over our heads. My children are not hungry or cold. I know that in this economy I should count my blessings every single day and every night before I close my eyes that is exactly what I do.

I remember when my husband was reassigned to a new duty station I was so excited. We had a toddler running around and a baby on the way. The thought of him not deploying (especially after just returning from his third tour in Iraq) if only for a little while was extremely comforting. I have been aggressively searching for employment since the birth of our son and yet in 13 months I’ve  ONLY gone on 2 interviews, both of which were within the last 3 months. While one of the prospects seems promising the waiting is excruciating.  There have been days that I feel like I am drowning in a sea of desperation. I sit and I wait for the phone to ring and each time it does I hold my breath while waiting on the caller id to display the name I am dying to see. So far the call has not come and at times that is a hard pill to swallow. I have not given up hope that I will be hired, but it is difficult waiting.

Strangely enough the person who seems to be most in tune with my feelings especially on the days that I feel like I can’t wait another second is my Dad. In the last few weeks when I feel like my head and heart are going to explode the phone rings , I look over and see his name. After I speak to him I feel just a little bit calmer like I can wait one more day.


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