Who Stole My Motivation?

I need to lose around 6-8 pounds. It seems like a simple enough and it should be even easier to maintain, but I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me! I know this is going to sound like an excuse and I am well aware of what excuses are…but I digress… lately I have been experiencing a serious pain in my left leg. It varies from tingly to sharp from my hip to foot and my right knee feels as if it wants to pop at any minute if I bend it for any period of time… even driving for longer than an hour has become an issue. I am now patiently awaiting a referral from my primary care physician to see a specialist so I can figure out what the heck is going on and more importantly what can be done so I can at least attempt to be active.

Before I started having issues with my leg and knee I was aware of my sedentary lifestyle and as much as I felt that I should change it for some reason I just could not. After my son was born I started working out, but it only lasted a few days. Most recently the hubs and I started P90x and that lasted about a day for me…the hubs started working out in the morning before work so I no longer had a buddy. I’ve often heard that if you can do something for 2 weeks it will become a habit, but I have NO idea how to get myself to the 2 week mark! Shoot if I can make it 1 full week that would be an accomplishment for me.

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Controversy

So it seems the hot topics of discussion are Lebron James’ move to Miami and Ocho Cinco’s new show and the lack of African-American women included. I will admit I get caught up in pop culture and I love hearing celebrity news/gossip as much as the next person, but I have to ask when do we as fans take a step back and stop taking things so personally when it comes to these celebrities? Their life choices are just that…. THEIR life choices and while we may not agree with them we have to accept them because guess what God gave us all free will, right?

I must preface this by saying I am not a sports fanatic in the least… however I can’t go online , turn on the radio or television without hearing about Lebron James. Hell even I watched “The Decision.” I guess I can understand to an extent why the Cleveland fans are a little miffed, but this is getting out of hand! The public is being bombarded with headlines about Lebron. He’s being called disloyal amongst other things… it was even reported when he showed up in New York for La La and Carmello’s wedding the people in NY booed him because he didn’t choose the Knicks… I mean really? The guy decided to change jobs simple as that, no more no less. His reasons for doing so shouldn’t really matter.

Now on to Ocho Cinco’s lack of African-American women on his show…. First of all it is a reality tv show!!! I am not sure why we are all up in arms because we were all cringing when we saw the behavior of the women featured on Flavor of Love and Real Chance of Love and yet we want to see more of this foolishness? It has been reported the Chad does not like black women….. I don’t recall ever hearing HIM say it or seeing it in print from an interview he’s done, but I digress…. So the man has dated women of other races and this is significant why? Does that prove he does not like black women? Not to me…. And if he doesn’t so what! It aggravates me to no end when people get upset about athletes/celebs/etc date outside of their race…are we really upset that this person is dating another race or are we upset that we didn’t get a chance to dig in those pockets? Chad Ocho Cinco’s decision to date any woman of any color is no direct reflection of me as a black woman…wanna know why???? I’ve never dated Chad so if he does happen to have a negative opinion about black women he didn’t form it because he dated me… I am wholly different from every other black woman in the world and guess what ladies so are you! You are beautiful because you are you and Chad or any other man for that matter dating a woman of a different race does not take that away from you. It should not hurt or offend you! I’m not sure why it even bears mentioning, but again in a society that feels we are entitled to comment and be privy to each minute aspect of a celebrity’s life just because their job puts them in the public eye somebody had to say something!

It is not a competition!

My husband and I are both pretty close with our families. We have 2 children which means our parents like to see their grandkids and often. When we lived in Georgia that was pretty easy to handle as we lived 2 hours from my hometown and 2.5 from his. It was really easy to make it to family gatherings or go home just because at a moments notice. Since moving to South Carolina going home has been a little bit more difficult. Now we are 3.5 hours from my husband’s parents and 4.5 from mine…while this isn’t a long trip it is more than we are used to and the kids tend to get restless after an hour or so.

Because of the distance our home visits are few and far between.  Being far away has been difficult as our families have become accustomed to us being able to attend family gatherings and now we have to pick and choose. Weekend trips are a possibility but when you leave on Friday and return on Sunday when you think about it the only day you have to spend with the family is Saturday.

Right now we have 2 family events coming up within in 2 weeks of each other figuring out the logistics and finances is actually kind of nerve wrecking. Do we go to one and skip the other? Do we skip both to be fair? Exactly how do you choose? We don’t want to make our families feel like we favor one over the other as we love our families, but its hard to make appearances and keep everyone happy.

 I think what makes this so difficult for me is that my folks seem to think it is a competition between them and my in-laws. If I mention to them we are going to my husband’s family’s house then I am bound to get a comment like “I haven’t seen my grandbabies is SO long” or “My grandson isn’t even gonna know me when he sees me.” Any response I could even think of giving to them seem to fall on deaf ears. You’d think as the years go by it would be easier but it seems to be getting worse and they take each visit as a personal affront.

I’d like to know how other couples deal with this issue especially if they live far away from their families.

My new favorite author

I bought Jen Lancaster’s Bitter is the New Black a while back during a small book buying frenzy in Target….I am not really responsible for my actions when I enter the Red Dot Boutique….the bright lights and pretty colors make me a little crazy…but I digress…. I started reading Bitter and initially I wasn’t into it so I put it down and ended up reading a couple of my other books also purchased during the frenzy.

As I mentioned before my line sister asked me and a few other Sorors to participate in her 40 book challenge and one day while discussing the books on our list of 40 Bitter came up.  I told the girls I had the book and had even started reading it, but hadn’t gotten very far. Lucky for me one of the girls had read the book and loved it. She told me I simply HAD to finish it because Jen was so funny and she knew I’d love it. I’m not one to give up on a book so easily so I said what the hell….

I started reading again and she was right I LOVED it. Jen’s sarcasm combined with her quick wit made for an easy read. I think I loved it so much because I could relate to her struggles when she was laid off since I was only recently back at work after over a year of unemployment.  I mean this book (to me) was seriously laugh out loud funny. I kept asking myself how in the hell did I not pick up on this the first time around??? At any rate as soon as I finished Bitter I had to read the second memoir Bright Lights, Big Ass. Once again Jen did not disappoint…coincidentally I was reading Bright Lights as I traveled to her city (Chicago) for my graduation. I was literally laughing out loud on the plane….good thing my seat mates were my sister and my husband otherwise someone would have been pissed.

About a week ago I went to the library and borrowed the next installment in her set of memoirs Such a Pretty Fat. True to fashion Jen made me laugh right along with her…

There are two books left Pretty in Plaid and the newly released My Fair Lazy which is good and bad. Its good news because it means I have two more books to read which will allow me to hang out with my friend in my head a.k.a Jen but it also means once I’m done I’ll have nothing else of hers to read until she releases another book….there is always her blog and Twitter but so far she hasn’t updated Twitter much since she’s on her book tour. So it seems I have myself a small dilemma… do I devour the next two books on the list or do I read one and space them out???

Darn you Jen Lancaster for being so funny and appealing to my random and often quirky sense of humor!

Do friendships have an expiration date?

Twitter is my guilty pleasure/daily entertainment/unofficial news source; however every now and then someone posts something that makes me stop and think.  Today that person was none other than Terry McMillan. She was tweeting about friends/friendships and she stated the friends we make in college would be life-long friends because it is harder to build friendships in our 30s-50s since by this time you have already established your circle, and friends you made in high school you tend to outgrow.

I’ve been thinking about my relationships with old and not so old friends lately and while I believe there is certainly some truth to her statements when it comes to me they aren’t 100% accurate.

My oldest and dearest friend I met when I was 7 years old and in the second grade. Since the day we became friends we weren’t apart much until I moved to Atlanta in 2001. She’s now married with two children. Granted we don’t speak as often as we did when we were younger, single and childless, but I still consider her to be a good friend. Sometimes it seems bittersweet that the person who was once like my right hand I now only speak to once every two weeks or so when we are in the car driving home from work because once we cross the threshold of our homes life comes at you 100 mph and between making dinner and yelling at kids you really don’t have time to talk.

I made quite a few friends in college, but we don’t speak on a regular basis anymore. If it wasn’t for Facebook I probably wouldn’t speak to them at all.  There was a time in my life that I tried my best to keep in touch with my friends, but it’s a two way street and its difficult to think you are barely a blip on the radar to a person you considered a true friend.

Although at times I am extremely introverted there is a part of me that LOVES people. When I am in that mood there is nothing more I’d rather do than spend a few hours laughing and talking with a good girlfriend, but what do you do when that familiar friend isn’t available? I have been blessed to be a member of a sorority which allows me to make connections with women I wouldn’t have otherwise met BUT being a military wife and moving to a new location every few years makes even that somewhat difficult.

Well that’s enough deep thought for me today… kudos to Ms. McMillan for making me think today!

Is it too late for my dream to come true..

As a little girl I remember dreaming and planning my wedding day. I couldn’t wait to walk down the aisle towards the man of my dreams wearing a beautiful gown. Through the years my vision changed; however one thing remained unchanged and that was my desire for a wedding.
Before my own wedding day I was able to be a part of so many of my friends’ special days which only solidified my wish for a wedding.

As we all know, life has a way of throwing you curve balls, so when I finally met my knight in pressed ACUs, Uncle Sam and financial factors prevented us from having that big beautiful white wedding I always hoped for. Intellectually I understand that the wedding is just a day and the marriage should be the major concern, but I cannot for the life of me quiet that little girl inside of me who longs for the day she gets to step into a beautiful gown, put on makeup and walk down an aisle of flower petals towards her forever….

While I do not regret getting married I curse myself for my impatience, unwillingness to wait, save and plan for that day. My husband and I have discussed having a renewal ceremony, but so far we haven’t decided on a renewal year. I wonder if we’ll ever decide and when we do will I still want to do it at that point. I wonder if I should just suck it up and move on. I’ve even considered renting a dress and scheduling a photo shoot for me and the hubs, but I wonder if that will that only fuel the fire.

I wish this didn’t mean so much that I could just continue on with my life and not keep revisiting thoughts of wedding gowns and tuxedos, but it has been almost 5 years and my feelings haven’t changed. I guess it doesn’t help that every other show on tv is wedding related. I can’t help but long for my own special day as I watch David Tutera turn nightmare weddings into a dream come true or want to see myself in a gown as I watch other women “”Say Yes To The Dress.”

For now dreams of tulle and satin will be just that BUT I refuse to give up hope that one day I will have a chance to stand in the mirror and see my reflection clad in a beautiful Amsale.