As a little girl I remember dreaming and planning my wedding day. I couldn’t wait to walk down the aisle towards the man of my dreams wearing a beautiful gown. Through the years my vision changed; however one thing remained unchanged and that was my desire for a wedding.
Before my own wedding day I was able to be a part of so many of my friends’ special days which only solidified my wish for a wedding.
As we all know, life has a way of throwing you curve balls, so when I finally met my knight in pressed ACUs, Uncle Sam and financial factors prevented us from having that big beautiful white wedding I always hoped for. Intellectually I understand that the wedding is just a day and the marriage should be the major concern, but I cannot for the life of me quiet that little girl inside of me who longs for the day she gets to step into a beautiful gown, put on makeup and walk down an aisle of flower petals towards her forever….
While I do not regret getting married I curse myself for my impatience, unwillingness to wait, save and plan for that day. My husband and I have discussed having a renewal ceremony, but so far we haven’t decided on a renewal year. I wonder if we’ll ever decide and when we do will I still want to do it at that point. I wonder if I should just suck it up and move on. I’ve even considered renting a dress and scheduling a photo shoot for me and the hubs, but I wonder if that will that only fuel the fire.
I wish this didn’t mean so much that I could just continue on with my life and not keep revisiting thoughts of wedding gowns and tuxedos, but it has been almost 5 years and my feelings haven’t changed. I guess it doesn’t help that every other show on tv is wedding related. I can’t help but long for my own special day as I watch David Tutera turn nightmare weddings into a dream come true or want to see myself in a gown as I watch other women “”Say Yes To The Dress.”
For now dreams of tulle and satin will be just that BUT I refuse to give up hope that one day I will have a chance to stand in the mirror and see my reflection clad in a beautiful Amsale.