Makes Me Wanna Scream

The self-proclaimed silver lining hunter is in a slump. I try really hard not to throw pity parties, but GAHLEE it is getting more difficult as the months keep passing me by. I have been trying not to think about everything that I think/feel is wrong by telling myself it could always be worse and of course I know this is very true but the pep talks aren’t working. I probably wouldn’t be so frustrated if I was the type to talk my problems over with someone, but emotions especially vulnerability is not my thing. Well that’s not true…. It’s the sharing part that I’d rather not do because in the past when I’ve opened up about how I feel people always try to interpret my feelings and 9 times out 10 their assessment is so far off the mark that I think are we talking to each other right now?!

Part of my frustration is with my unemployment, but I’m sure that’s no surprise and the other is my isolation which I’m sure is a surprise especially since I’m a big ole introvert. People are still trying to help me out with my job search and the Lord knows I know they mean well, but most of the “help” isn’t really helpful and that seems to further bring me down. Being in such a rural area my opportunities are extremely limited; however I am keeping my eyes open and even looking outside of my area of interest. The weight of my unemployment is burdensome. People tell me be patient, it will happen, it’ll be ok, something will come up and they might be right, but it is a different ballgame when you are living it every day.

So what do you do when you are motivated but not really….

How do you tell people I appreciate your concern but ummm you kinda aren’t helping…


Last call for alcohol… I guess I should shut this pity party down *cues Before I Let Go*

New Beginnings

I’ve never been one to make a list of things that I resolve to do for the new year.  I’m not really sure why I never have and so far I still have no desire.  Last year I thought of one, but I forgot it before the ball even dropped! I blame my memory loss on the kids.

  Just a few days ago  I had a chat with my girlfriend who shared with me how she’d left behind a few friends before the beginning of the year and how liberated and more importantly less stressed she felt.  This got me to thinking… should I follow suit and start to drop the dead weight in my life? Am I holding on for the sake of the friendship or is this another case of me being too damn nice and allowing people who have no place in my life….. in my life??

In a way I am sort of like the character May from The Secret Life of Bees. I internalize a lot, but unlike May I do not have my own personal wailing wall so all of these feelings have no where to go. Too much negativity overwhelms and ultimately stresses me out. Am I positive 100% of the time? Hell no! Are there times that I am negative? Absodamnlutely, but there is a limit. Once I reach that threshold I slap on my happy face or I will retreat until I get myself together otherwise I will feel like crap for letting it get that far.  I know how to filter myself, but I don’t know how to deal with the people around me who go in on a regular basis. Ultimately I am only responsible for my behavior and I should focus on that for sure, and when everyone else gets out of hand, or in my mind out of hand I’ll just take a step back and breathe.

Guess I should sign off with some cliche’d statement about the new year, but ehh I don’t feel like it.

Where is the off switch?

For as long as I can remember I have internalized my friends’ problems, issues, pain, etc. I can’t help the feeling of wanting to fix whatever is wrong  and make everything better.

 I worry about them when they are sick. I check on them while they are on road trips. I guess this wouldn’t be so bad if I had only 1 or 2 friends.  I love people so I tend to meet and make friends and acquaintences every where so my motherly behavior often extends to them as well.

I value my compassionate nature; however sometimes it is stressful for me when the friend I am worrying about seems to be less concerned with their life/issues than I am. 

Once upon a  time I had an interest in nursing and mental health and while neither are my field I still place a lot of stock in being physically, mentally and emotionally well.

Unfortunately, for me the people I find myself worrying and stressing myself over seem to not care as much OR do not realize they keep repeating the same hurtful behavior.  Lately my dilemma has been how do I stop feeling as if I care more about their well-being than they do? I know it may very well be my perception of the situation but when I find myself getting worked up over something constantly then I have a problem.  

I’ve recently started to wonder how do I stop caring so much? How can I just stop doing the thing that I’ve done all my life? It can’t be healthy for me to fret over things which I have no control so I really need to fiind a way to lighten up.


“I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.” ~Mark Twain

How often do we let fear rule our actions and instead of following our dreams we miss out on what could have possibly been an event/occurrence that would be life changing? Have you ever gotten to the ledge, arms out-stretched and instead of allowing yourself to free fall you step backwards and cling to the wall? This is the story of my life. More often than not fear of failure or rejection has propelled me backwards there are only one or two occasions in which I followed my heart and just jumped. I can’t really say how my life would be different had I done what I wanted to do or said what I wanted to say because at the time I was too much of a chickenshit to find out. I don’t know if I can attribute my reluctance to act on fear or my habit of agonizing over a decision before I finally make it… I mean I thought about my netbook for DAYS before I finally ordered it and it’s not like that was a life changing decision and yet I made it into one. I added the damn thing to my cart and left it there for so long…going back and forth starting the ordering process only to back out when it was time to choose my shipping method. It took me long enoughn but in the case of my computer at least I did finally take a deep breath and place my order. Other decisions haven’t been as simple or easily made. Most of the time my indecision has caused me to miss the boat. I guess I could look at it as everything that has happened to me was supposed to happen or as people love to say “it happened for a reason.’ Perhaps instead of dwelling on what I didn’t do, I should just accept I did make a decision, as obviously deciding NOT to act is a decision in itself.

I wish I could say that I am going to make a vow to be more spontaneous, grab life by the balls come what may and scream what the hell….BUT how do you undo a 32year old habit?

14 Quick Energy Boosters

Taken from

1. Get enough sleep. If you never wake up before the alarm blasts, you need to go to bed earlier. People become accustomed to the feeling of being sleep deprived, but they don’t really adapt to it. Make getting enough sleep a top priority.

2. Go for a brisk walk. One study found that even a 10-minute walk was enough to supply a feeling of energy and decreased tension.

3. Listen to your favorite upbeat song. Hearing stimulating music gives an instant lift. Along the same lines…

4. Sing out loud. It’s hard to feel grouchy when you’re singing — and the goofier the song, the better.

5. Take a short nap, if you’re the napping type. Many people find them very energizing. My father has been known to take three naps in one day.

6. Act energetic. Research shows that when people move faster, their metabolism speeds up. Acting energetic will make you feel more energetic.

7. Along the same lines, spend time with energetic people. People catch the moods of other people, and energy (or lack of energy) is highly contagious.

8. Talk to friends. I’ve noticed that if I’m feeling low, and I run into a friend on the street, I walk away feeling much more energetic. Reach out if you need a boost.

9. Cross a nagging chore off your to-do list to get a big rush of energy. Unfinished tasks drag us down, so force yourself to tackle one thing that’s nagging you to get a huge rush of energy.

10. Make your bed. It doesn’t take much time or thought, and it provides a feeling of serenity and control when you come home at night.

11. Make something right. Apologize, confess, repair, replace, or return something you borrowed.

12. Go outside into the sunlight. Light deprivation is one reason why people feel tired. Research suggests that light stimulates brain chemicals that improve mood.

13. Clean up. I’m not sure why tidying makes such a huge difference, but when I feel like I can’t face the day, I just tidy up my desk, and I perk right up.

14. Drink some coffee! Coffee gets a bad rap, but the fact is, it really does boost alertness, energy, and ability to focus. (Plus, it’s a great source of antioxidants and it contains a high level of soluble dietary fiber.)