New Beginnings

I’ve never been one to make a list of things that I resolve to do for the new year.  I’m not really sure why I never have and so far I still have no desire.  Last year I thought of one, but I forgot it before the ball even dropped! I blame my memory loss on the kids.

  Just a few days ago  I had a chat with my girlfriend who shared with me how she’d left behind a few friends before the beginning of the year and how liberated and more importantly less stressed she felt.  This got me to thinking… should I follow suit and start to drop the dead weight in my life? Am I holding on for the sake of the friendship or is this another case of me being too damn nice and allowing people who have no place in my life….. in my life??

In a way I am sort of like the character May from The Secret Life of Bees. I internalize a lot, but unlike May I do not have my own personal wailing wall so all of these feelings have no where to go. Too much negativity overwhelms and ultimately stresses me out. Am I positive 100% of the time? Hell no! Are there times that I am negative? Absodamnlutely, but there is a limit. Once I reach that threshold I slap on my happy face or I will retreat until I get myself together otherwise I will feel like crap for letting it get that far.  I know how to filter myself, but I don’t know how to deal with the people around me who go in on a regular basis. Ultimately I am only responsible for my behavior and I should focus on that for sure, and when everyone else gets out of hand, or in my mind out of hand I’ll just take a step back and breathe.

Guess I should sign off with some cliche’d statement about the new year, but ehh I don’t feel like it.

Happy Holidays?

The holidays are fast approaching…well might as well say they are here. I am sort of in between the spirit at the moment because Tay isn’t here. It won’t be the same spending the holiday in the house without him. This is our first Christmas in “OUR” house. I mean I get excited when I am shopping for Kyleigh and imagining what her reaction will be like when she sees her toys but that is about it. I know I should think positive and keep my spirits up for Kyleigh’s sake because at least she and I have each other, so I am going to try and do better. My parents are going to come and spend the holiday with us so we will be surrounded by family which is good because otherwise I would be singing my rendition of What do the lonely do at Christmas.
Tay will be home early June (we hope) and at least for a little while our family will be intact, until he goes to Afghanistan in 09 and then here we go again. I will take it day by day from now on and try to continue to focus on the here and now!