Makes Me Wanna Scream

The self-proclaimed silver lining hunter is in a slump. I try really hard not to throw pity parties, but GAHLEE it is getting more difficult as the months keep passing me by. I have been trying not to think about everything that I think/feel is wrong by telling myself it could always be worse and of course I know this is very true but the pep talks aren’t working. I probably wouldn’t be so frustrated if I was the type to talk my problems over with someone, but emotions especially vulnerability is not my thing. Well that’s not true…. It’s the sharing part that I’d rather not do because in the past when I’ve opened up about how I feel people always try to interpret my feelings and 9 times out 10 their assessment is so far off the mark that I think are we talking to each other right now?!

Part of my frustration is with my unemployment, but I’m sure that’s no surprise and the other is my isolation which I’m sure is a surprise especially since I’m a big ole introvert. People are still trying to help me out with my job search and the Lord knows I know they mean well, but most of the “help” isn’t really helpful and that seems to further bring me down. Being in such a rural area my opportunities are extremely limited; however I am keeping my eyes open and even looking outside of my area of interest. The weight of my unemployment is burdensome. People tell me be patient, it will happen, it’ll be ok, something will come up and they might be right, but it is a different ballgame when you are living it every day.

So what do you do when you are motivated but not really….

How do you tell people I appreciate your concern but ummm you kinda aren’t helping…

Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!

Last call for alcohol… I guess I should shut this pity party down *cues Before I Let Go*

It’s All About Perspective

I am a big ol’ introvert. Social gatherings tend to drain me and I avoid them if I can, but I have two coming up that cannot be missed. This is going to be interesting to say the least. Coming up first we are going to the beach with my in-laws 6 adults and 6 children then the following weekend we are going to a reunion with my side of the family and I don’t even have a head count on that one. It usually takes me a few days after attending an event/gathering to recharge and just feel “normal” again and I suspect after two weekends of back to back activities I am going to be about as useful as a wet piece of notebook paper.

The prospect of getting away is exciting and I know the kids are going to have a blast, but I am just wondering how to deal and keep myself from shutting down because of over-stimulation…. seeing that written out is so first world problem-ish here I am worried about how to handle being on vacation when some people would kill to go on a vacation… I guess that kind of puts it in perspective, but I know myself so this feels like a hot mess waiting to happen. I am going to do my best to follow my own advice and find the silver lining and try to enjoy myself. Let us pray….LOL!!!

This and That..

 kinda really neglected my little space here on the web last year. I didn’t realize just how long it had been since my last post until a few days ago…. so let’s catch up shall we??? 

I didn’t do a whole lot  I mostly read and watched tv. For the last few years I’ve challenged myself to read a certain number of books and I last year was terrible!! I set a low ball goal and I didn’t even meet that hmph! I don’t know why it’s not like I was doing anything, but ehh. I am trying to recall if anything made a lasting impression, but I am drawing a blank right now. What I do know is I am so tired of publishers posting the blurb If you loved Gone Girl…. listen Gone Girl was AWESOME except for that ending, but I won’t even get into THAT!!! 

In early Feb I had my Mirena removed, because it was the only thing I could think of that was causing me to be super emo. I discussed it here a few years ago. I was crying every day…several times a day over the smallest things. I cried when I was happy, sad, indifferent, confused you name it I was crying about it. I started seeing a therapist she suggested I give myself permission to be sensitive and not be embarrassed about my tears, but I was feeling like I was May in The Secret Life of Bees. I won’t go into all of the gory details but finally after 4 years it was removed and the tears dried up in a few days. So you know how they say it might take you awhile to get pregnant after it is removed???? Ummm yeah my eggs didn’t get the memo…we found out we were expecting our third baby around mid-March and I gave birth to our baby girl in November. I NEVER in a million years thought I would have 3 children (get ready for this cliche), but I cannot imagine life without her. She is so sweet and such a happy baby.

Over the summer I binged on the Netflix series Orange is the New Black. I read the book (of course) so I was curious about the series although the writers took a lot of creative license I really enjoyed watching and I cannot wait for season 2. While I am talking about Netflix let’s talk about the greatness that is House of Cards!!! Kevin Spacey is every single thing!!!! I absolutely love the ruthlessness that is Francis J. Underwood!! I started season 1 about 3 weeks ago and I finished season 2 shortly thereafter. I was sitting up in bed on my laptop until 3 a.m. quite a few times because I was so invested. I just had to know what was going to happen next and I was not disappointed. I wish I didn’t have to wait until next year to find out what is going to happen next. At least the new season of Game of Thrones (DIE JOFFREY DIE!) is starting soon to keep my mind occupied. I can’t forget about Ray Donovan… I started watching late in the season but I caught up quickly and will be waiting on that to come back some time this summer as well. Ray Donovan is like Scandal on steroids! LOVED IT!!! So maybe all of this tv is why I didn’t meet my reading goals… don’t judge me! 

 The rest of the summer was spent trying to stay cool especially while waddling around hot a** El Paso and getting my kids ready for school. My daughter started third grade and my son started pre-k at the end of July. Once school was in session it seems like time just flew by before I knew it the baby was here and we were packing up and getting ready to move back to Georgia.

I think that about sums up 2013 and 2014 so far… riveting stuff 

In case anyone is interested in some of the books I read last year…

Crazy Rich Asians  by Kevin Kwan — very interesting read… it was like an Asian soap opera

The Silent Wife by A.S.A Harrison — one of those books that I mentioned was compared to Gone Girl.. umm no. The author passed away last year unfortunately. I think this was her first novel and if I am not mistaken I read she’d been working on it for YEARS

Night Film by Marisha Pessl — I really wanted more from this book I ‘d heard such good things. It was just ok.

Revenge Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger — OMG and I don’t mean that in a nice way either. I didn’t read Devil but I saw the movie and from what I have been told Miranda was worse in the book than the movie and maybe that’s why it was so off for me, but good grief Andi was SO unlikable… maybe it was because I kept picturing Anne Hathaway (I have a love/hate relationship with her) or perhaps it was because she kept obsessing over a character that I think we “saw” 3 maybe 4 times. I should add I have enjoyed everything else that I’ve read by Lauren so I don’t know why this one left me feeling so…

Scarlet (Book 2 The Lunar Chronicles) by Marissa Meyer — YA novel think Red Riding Hood in the year 3000 something. Futuristic and rather awesome. Book 3, Cress, was just released this year and I am #7 in line for it at my library. Can’t wait!

Dead Ever After (final book in the Southern Vampire Series aka Sookie Stackhouse) by Charlaine Harris — HATED IT!!!!!! The only reason I finished the series is because I’d invested so much I felt like I deserved to know how it would end. I kinda feel like Mrs. Harris got tired around book 7. Oh yeah and since I am a glutton for punishment I read the follow up aka where are they now type book that she released later on in the year called After Dead where she wrote little blurbs about every character in the series. Like seriously some characters got one sentence it was like Jane Doe after being mauled by wolves she died. UGH!!! I think Eric was able to get 2 paragraphs, Bill got around the same and Sookie got two pages.

Outside the Lines by Amy Hatvany — Listen I cannot begin to explain the greatness that is Amy Hatvany. After I read her novel Best Kept Secret she had a fan. Amy tackles issues in a very realistic way. I love how she doesn’t feel the need to tie her books up in a neat little bow. She gets that life is messy and often goes totally left. I have 2 more books of hers I want to read. I hope to pick them up soon. 

I should probably stop naming books at this point or I will mess around and review everything I read last year. 

I was just about to hit publish when I received an email from Yahoo about one of my email accounts… this is the second email I’ve gotten from them in a week… my passwords are super random.. I follow the rules upper and lower case letters special characters the freaking works and they are still telling me I need to change my password… I am so over them. I have been slowly transitioning all of my emails to gmail and I think the rest of them are going to end up in that inbox as well. ARGH!!!!

 

    

 

 

 

 

Sigh

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 For the last 16 months or so I’ve been a SAHM and if I had to sum up the experience I don’t think I would describe in a way that would lead anyone to believe I am enjoying myself. I love being able to spend time with the newest addition to our family, BUT I feel so useless at times and mostly ashamed to tell people that I am not working. With the exception of the first year we moved to South Carolina, I’ve worked since I was 15 years old. I feel like I am floundering. I never envisioned myself knee-deep in diapers, constantly folding laundry and loading and unloading the dishwasher day in and day out.  In no way am I trying to diminish or demean other SAHMs I am just referring to my experience. For the moms who choose to stay at home and are pros at managing the house and the kids while making it look a breeze my hat goes off to you.  What you do is admirable and you deserve the utmost respect, me on the other hand, I suck. My sucky-ness could probably be attributed to the fact I’d rather be working. I am always encouraging my friends to look for the silver lining and find the bright side of most situation, but when I think about my period of unemployment all I can think about is I have a Masters degree that I am not using.

So far I have been pretty successful at keeping the jobless blues at bay, but lately when I search for a job and I don’t see anything its hard not to get discouraged.

He’s Only Human

Growing up I thought my dad was larger than life. He was my personal Super Man. Like most little girls I was a Daddy’s Girl…. I thought my daddy could do anything and if I’m honest there are still times I still feel this way. So when he called me Friday to tell me he’d gone to the doctor and they’d diagnosed him with Type II Diabetes I felt a little discombobulated. My rational side knows this is no biggie with a proper diet, exercise and possibly medication he’ll be just fine, but the little girl in me is uneasy.

I feel as if the roles have reversed now though…. instead of him worrying about me I will be worrying about him when I never did before. I guess I never realized there would be a day that I would have to be concerned about my dad….. Lucky for him though he has 2 daughters that are armed with public health degrees and we are going to be on his case!!!! I have already sent him information to read and information on changing his diet so he better watch out, because although I did not inherit his assertive nature I can be quite persistent when I put my mind to it. He’s going to be compliant or else!!!!

 

I’m going to try something new, even if it kills me…

Lately I’ve been thinking…….no I’m not about to bust out a rendition of the Stevie Wonder classic or the Jodeci remake for that matter… I need to be more serious about my health. The first thing I would like to do is to lose about 5-8 pounds …….10 if I get lucky. To some folks my goal is easy and they probably could do it with their eyes closed and one hand tied behind their back, but let’s be real we are talking about me. I have the attention span of a baby gnat so getting me to commit to some sort of diet/exercise plan will be the hardest thing I’ve probably ever done in my life. I usually start out with good intentions and I will exercise for about a day or two… and then something always comes up and I am back to square one. I think the biggest challenge for me is the changing the way I eat. I have been eating smaller portions, but my biggest beef, no pun intended, with dieting or changing my eating is that it seems so restrictive. I don’t want to cut out everything I love. If I can find ways to still enjoy my favorite foods (in moderation of course) then I am down for the cause. When I watch fanatics like Jillian and Jackie (who both scare  me by the way) and they are throwing away food or making people run up and down stairs with two cookies in hand to prove a point I get a little twitchy.

I recently purchased a few meal plans from my Soror Erika (aka the Weight Loss Guru and hater of all things bacon) and next week I’m going to try it her way. By week’s end I will either be singing her praises or cursing the ground she walks on for making me eat oatmeal and Greek yogurt….I am very funny about food textures so me and squishy do not get along. I haven’t eaten a banana in about 28 years so that should tell you my food aversions run DEEP! I didn’t realize how much so until a few minutes ago while in the grocery store trying to pick out a yogurt to try (I’ve never eaten any besides frozen) and I was talking to my friend and she was making suggestions that I was shooting down left and right because they contained fruit pieces/bits and I HATE fruit in my food…. I do not like fruit pies, cobblers, etc, but let me digress… before I take a trip to Crazy Town! This is is definitely going to be a struggle I am gonna have to pray for strength…. HELP!!!!!

 

I WANT MY ICE CREAM SANDWICH!!!!

 

Everybody knows there are 2 things in this world that I love and those things are books and gadgets. My friend Jerome often calls me Gidget Gadget… I probably should get a part-time job at BestBuy…… you know what…. terrible idea. I would never collect a check because it would all go back into the store!When Christmas rolled around my husband surprised me with the two latest electronics I’d been eyeballing for a few months, the Samsung Galaxy Tab 8.9 and the Samsung Galaxy S II Skyrocket. I was super excited because I never expected to get 2 new toys. As soon as I could get the packaging opened I said goodbye to my beloved Blackberry and hello to the Skyrocket.

Now while I LOVE my new phone I do have one small complaint… it does not have Ice Cream Sandwich (Android 4.0  OS). I have been not so patiently waiting for ICS since Jan to no avail. It seems like every day BGR, Android Central and the other blogs are announcing which carriers are rolling out the updates and which phones are receiving it… mine has not come up yet. AT&T cruelly sent out and update about a week or so ago but it was ONLY an update of Gingerbread… I have noticed minor changes, but not the major overhaul that I am expecting ICS to bring.

I do understand that the carriers want to test each build of the new OS for their phones before they release it, BUT that other side of me just wants my freaking update. I hate to be a phone snob, but I do believe my Skyrocket is far superior to some of these HTC phones that AT&T has updated. What gives AT&T???? I mean they do not even have a projected release date! I chatted with a tech support specialist from AT&T and all he could tell me was that I would be getting the update…. Sir, I already knew that!!!! He then goes on to tell me to check the blogs for update info… Again sir I already do that!!! How in the heck do you think I knew I was getting the update????  I feel like by the time they send it out to me they will start rolling out phones with the new rumored OS Jellybean and then I will be starting this vicious cycle all over again!!!!! Luckily when the hubs got me this phone I didn’t use my upgrade sooooooooo I do have the option to just go buy a new phone, but I like I said I love this phone…. and I think my husband might kill me! LOL!!!!

So on the off chance that someone from AT&T happens to come across this little ole post of mine please please please hurry up and release ICS for my phone…. my life depends on it! LOL!!!!!