The One I Gave My Heart To

My husband is not perfect, in fact he’s far from it, there are times that he literally drives me insane, but I wouldn’t trade him for anyone in this world. He gets me, when nobody else understands he does. We aren’t one of those couples who finishes the other’s sentences, but if he was so inclined he could definitely tell me what I was thinking. He also knows the way to MY heart isn’t with flowers, candy or poetry, but electronics. Should he WANT to send me flowers he knows callas are my faves and not traditional roses.

Since the day we met I’ve felt safe and protected. When he’s around I never feel the need to check the locks a thousand times, in fact it never even crosses my mind. Is this because he’s a soldier or is it just the quiet strength he exudes? What ever it is I’m glad he’s around!

I wish I could say that our relationship has been perfect— well you know what no I don’t. The problems we’ve encountered through the years have only served as a series of lessons which have allowed us to become stronger as a couple. We appreciate each other and instead of talking we’ve started to show our feelings via actions.

Why am I being a mushball today? Who knows! I’m feeling all gooey about my hubby and I wanted everybody to know!

Questions About Marriage/Divorce….

My friend just shared a few questions with me in a new book about marriages and why they are ending in divorce. They are as follows:

1. Marriages today are ending in divorce b/c great intimacies are shared with others.
2. Marriages are in decline due to the failure of keeping things in perspective
3. Many marriages focus on outside influences and high expectations of what marriage is supposed to be.

What do you think??? Does the author have a point?

What’s That I Smell? Why I Do Believe It’s a Steaming Pile Of BS!!!!

I should start this off by saying I am in no way a biblical scholar nor am I trying to comment on a person’s salvation/relationship with God, but someone just made a proposition that is as unbelievable as it is hard to ignore.

A man, J, who has recently started attending church again and is “trying to get his life right” is dating a like-minded individual.  J’s lady friend has stated that she does not want to have sex until she is married. J says he is trying to get right spiritually but he isn’t there yet so he decides that since he’s not there it is ok for him to text a woman and proposes that she has sex with him once a week because he’s not ready to give that up just yet.

So maybe it’s just me, because I know some times my moral compass tends to end up on high, but that just seems like all kinds of wrong.  Who does that???? I know we are supposed to go to God , confess our sins and ask for forgiveness, but who in the heck just says I am not only going to NOT do what I am supposed to do I am not even going to try to do the right thing?

I also think the person on the receiving end of the proposal should be a bit offended, but once again that is just me.  My house is definitely one of a see-through nature so I won’t be slinging any rocks any time soon, but this entire situation has me puzzle and honestly I am done trying to understand it because I know his logic and mine are quite different and oftentimes people’s motives are unclear even with an explanation.  So I said all of that to say on this one I call BULLSHIT. You can’t un-ring the bell but let’s slowly back away from it shall we?

He still makes me blush

My husband is not the most emotionally expressive person by any means. I would definitely describe him as a man of action, so when he takes the time to express his feelings I feel doubly blessed. Today he simply stated how much he appreciates me and I swear I felt as if I was lifted 2o feet into the air. I could not stop smiling! Such simple words but they meant so much!

Our 5 year wedding anniversary is fast approaching and I want to do something special to show him how much I appreciate him as well. I have a few things in mind but I want this gift/gesture to be unique especially since 2 days before our anniversary he’ll become an officer which is a dream come true. What can I give him that says I love you, I’m proud of you and most importantly you are my hero????


Is it too late for my dream to come true..

As a little girl I remember dreaming and planning my wedding day. I couldn’t wait to walk down the aisle towards the man of my dreams wearing a beautiful gown. Through the years my vision changed; however one thing remained unchanged and that was my desire for a wedding.
Before my own wedding day I was able to be a part of so many of my friends’ special days which only solidified my wish for a wedding.

As we all know, life has a way of throwing you curve balls, so when I finally met my knight in pressed ACUs, Uncle Sam and financial factors prevented us from having that big beautiful white wedding I always hoped for. Intellectually I understand that the wedding is just a day and the marriage should be the major concern, but I cannot for the life of me quiet that little girl inside of me who longs for the day she gets to step into a beautiful gown, put on makeup and walk down an aisle of flower petals towards her forever….

While I do not regret getting married I curse myself for my impatience, unwillingness to wait, save and plan for that day. My husband and I have discussed having a renewal ceremony, but so far we haven’t decided on a renewal year. I wonder if we’ll ever decide and when we do will I still want to do it at that point. I wonder if I should just suck it up and move on. I’ve even considered renting a dress and scheduling a photo shoot for me and the hubs, but I wonder if that will that only fuel the fire.

I wish this didn’t mean so much that I could just continue on with my life and not keep revisiting thoughts of wedding gowns and tuxedos, but it has been almost 5 years and my feelings haven’t changed. I guess it doesn’t help that every other show on tv is wedding related. I can’t help but long for my own special day as I watch David Tutera turn nightmare weddings into a dream come true or want to see myself in a gown as I watch other women “”Say Yes To The Dress.”

For now dreams of tulle and satin will be just that BUT I refuse to give up hope that one day I will have a chance to stand in the mirror and see my reflection clad in a beautiful Amsale.

Trapped in a bathtub

I’ve been pretty slack about blogging on the regular, but recently I was talking to one of my Sorors who has been encouraging me so I am going to try to do better. I felt like pulling a few of my older myspace posts to share here on blogger just for the heck of it…

Trapped in the bathtub…..

Before I begin I must start off by saying there aren’t 25 installments to this story a la R. Kelly this happens to be the only occurrence in this unfortunate incident (Thank God!)

Picture it (Ha! Thanks Sophia) Atlanta 2001… I was living the life of a typical college student. I’d moved to the city earlier that year from Statesboro and there were times that I missed my friends that I left behind a lot…and this day was one of those times. I was talking on the phone to my old flame we were laughing and bs-ing around when he invited me down for a “visit” so being the impulsive little thing I was I said ok, “See you tomorrow.”

Fast forward to the next day… I slid into town unnoticed (hey they ain’t call me Quiet Storm for nothing!) so I head on over to Mr. Flame’s dorm. We hung out, went to dinner with his roommate and returned to their room and this is when all the drama began…

The evening was going well enough. I was watching tv as good old Mr. Flame hung out with the rest of his roommates til bedtime. Finally he comes to the room and climbs into bed beside me. We were laying there talking just shooting the breeze when suddenly out of no where we hear…….FIRE ALARM!!! So hear I am supposedly being incognito in town to see Flame and get my fire stoked when a real fire may be burning!
Instead of using that good ole rational logic that I love to use at all times I decided to employ just plain stupidity…. instead of deciding to go downstairs during the fire drill with the rest of the people in the dumb a** decides I am going to hide in the room til it’s over because I do not want to be seen in town and especially with Flame. So while Flame and the roommates go downstairs I go hide out in the bathroom…in the bathtub to be more specific. Of course while in the tub this is when paranoia settles in…. I started to think “What if the building is really on fire?” “They are going to find my dead body in a bathtub cause I was too embarrassed to go outside.” I must add crouching in a bathtub for over an hour does nothing for your sanity…I mean there was no way I could go outside now, right? I mean hell I ignored the alarm, ignored the resident assistant’s knocks on the room door to make sure all of her charges were outside as they should be. I just knew if I went outside into the fray after being in the bathtub for that long the Fire Marshall was going to hand me over to the police or at least give me a stern talking to in front of all of the dorm while I stood there eyes glazed over from the shock of it all in my AKA t-shirt and panties…. Uhhh No Way Jose! What would my mother think????
I opted to remain in my little hide out til Flame got back about an hour and a half later laughing his ass off. All I have to say that was the longest damn fire drill I’ve ever had the displeasure of not participating in!

No Air

My husband has been deployed to Iraq for 1 year and 9 days. His return is so close and yet so far away. As it stands he is due to return of May and while I know April is upon us and before I know it May will be here its justs not happening fast enough!
Deployments are always hard, but I think the loneliness can be eased by the support of family and friends. There are times that I feel my circle is tight and strong while others I feel utterly and completely alone. I have great girlfriends; however as we are all making the great leap into our thirties we are all going through life altering situations which unfortunately doesn lend us much time to socialize. Within the last six months one friend has gotten married and four have given birth so needless to say time for gossip and idle chatter is reduced to a minimum.
Just a few weeks ago I surprised myself on Monday morning when I realized that I’d not left the house the entire weekend. This would be ok if it were only me, but being shut in I know also affects my daughter who just happens to be a HUGE ball of energy. Its kinda like she drank a red bull and followed it with a double shot of expresso so spending an entire weekend with her inside is like an adventure. The realization that I’d stayed in for 2 days allowed me to see just how isolated I’ve allowed myself to become since my hubby isn’t here. I wish I could say that I’ve had an epiphany and from now on my weekends will be filled with activity and fun, but knowing myself like I do I probably will continue as I have until my honey comes home.
This third deployment has given me even more time to reflect and I’ve come to realize just how much I miss having my husband here with me. Things at home run much smoother when he’s here and this time without him has been something akin to chaos. I am so thankful that this separation is almost over and I cannot wait to get some much needed quality time with my husband!

How much do you love your spouse?

I just finished reading a novel… one of the characters in an effort to please our husband and make his ultimate fantasy come true, asks her best friend to participate in a menage a trois… after which drama ensues… I wonder how far would most people go to prove their love or to please their spouse…

Flaws and all…

At times I can be a bit….well bourgie, bratty, bitchy, crazy , sweet, neurotic, and probably more things than I’ve listed, but despite all of that he loves me… My husband is one of two people who can make me smile even when I don’t want to or even when I think something is not even remotely funny. He makes me laugh in spite of myself and at myself and most of the time that is exactly what I need. Its funny to think had my friend not called and invited me to lunch one day I would have never gotten a second chance to really get to know this person that crossed my path so many years ago. How could I have not instinctively known when he was always in the background that HE was the ONE? I guess we weren’t ready to know each other. There is no sense in questioning it, though it is what it is and how ever it happened (he says I planned it) we met again the time was right and this time when I saw him I just KNEW….

Thank you God for my husband! I love you SSG. Crawford!!!! Muaaaaaaaah!