Funny how things turn out…

One day I was reminiscing and it hit me how I was almost an Army wife to another soldier many many years ago. My high school sweetheart proposed to me when I was 19 years old (just a month before my 20th birthday)…. after he decided to enlist. I was in Statesboro attending Georgia Southern and he was at home working full time and going to school when he decided to join the military. He came to visit me one weekend, told me of his plans and popped the question. I said yes despite feeling it was too soon.

Fast forward a few months…. he was in basic training getting ready to graduate and I of course was still in school. He would call when he could and we wrote each other about every week. With graduation approaching he wanted to know if I would be able to attend and initially I’d hoped to be able to go, but I couldn’t miss that many days of class. He was constantly calling and asking if I was going to come with his parents and I even got a call from one of the officers asking would I be coming and when would we be setting a date for the wedding.

Setting a wedding date was the furthest thing from my mind at that point because like I said I was 20 years old. During one of our weekly phone calls I told him so. When we talked about marriage prior to the engagement we agreed to wait until my senior year to get engaged and planned to get married some time after graduation and to me it seemed he was trying to accelerate those plans. Unfortunately, me being a chronic people pleaser did me no favors in this situation. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I would always put him off, but during this particular conversation he was determined. He pressed me for a timeline and he also wanted to know if I was going to move to where ever he was stationed after graduation. I told him that IF I could find a job I would but I couldn’t see myself following him around with no job and being dependent on him. He said ok, but I knew he was disappointed. About a week later he wrote a letter breaking it off… a day or two after the letter arrived he called apologizing and wanting to make up. A part of me wanted to accept his apology and stay with him, but the other side of me was so relieved!

We continued to write each other and promised to see each other when he came home in August. In the meantime I got to live!! Really live and not worry about anyone but myself. During that first year and a half while I was in college he tried to give me a curfew and screen my friends  from 200 miles away. I was suffocating!  Finally when I saw him in August the thrill was gone… which was actually a good thing because he proposed to some chick 2 months later! LOL!!!

I am not sure why this randomly came to me, but I had to chuckle at the memory, because here I am doing exactly what he wanted me to do with someone else. I guess it was my destiny to be an Army wife after all just not his….

Controversy

So it seems the hot topics of discussion are Lebron James’ move to Miami and Ocho Cinco’s new show and the lack of African-American women included. I will admit I get caught up in pop culture and I love hearing celebrity news/gossip as much as the next person, but I have to ask when do we as fans take a step back and stop taking things so personally when it comes to these celebrities? Their life choices are just that…. THEIR life choices and while we may not agree with them we have to accept them because guess what God gave us all free will, right?

I must preface this by saying I am not a sports fanatic in the least… however I can’t go online , turn on the radio or television without hearing about Lebron James. Hell even I watched “The Decision.” I guess I can understand to an extent why the Cleveland fans are a little miffed, but this is getting out of hand! The public is being bombarded with headlines about Lebron. He’s being called disloyal amongst other things… it was even reported when he showed up in New York for La La and Carmello’s wedding the people in NY booed him because he didn’t choose the Knicks… I mean really? The guy decided to change jobs simple as that, no more no less. His reasons for doing so shouldn’t really matter.

Now on to Ocho Cinco’s lack of African-American women on his show…. First of all it is a reality tv show!!! I am not sure why we are all up in arms because we were all cringing when we saw the behavior of the women featured on Flavor of Love and Real Chance of Love and yet we want to see more of this foolishness? It has been reported the Chad does not like black women….. I don’t recall ever hearing HIM say it or seeing it in print from an interview he’s done, but I digress…. So the man has dated women of other races and this is significant why? Does that prove he does not like black women? Not to me…. And if he doesn’t so what! It aggravates me to no end when people get upset about athletes/celebs/etc date outside of their race…are we really upset that this person is dating another race or are we upset that we didn’t get a chance to dig in those pockets? Chad Ocho Cinco’s decision to date any woman of any color is no direct reflection of me as a black woman…wanna know why???? I’ve never dated Chad so if he does happen to have a negative opinion about black women he didn’t form it because he dated me… I am wholly different from every other black woman in the world and guess what ladies so are you! You are beautiful because you are you and Chad or any other man for that matter dating a woman of a different race does not take that away from you. It should not hurt or offend you! I’m not sure why it even bears mentioning, but again in a society that feels we are entitled to comment and be privy to each minute aspect of a celebrity’s life just because their job puts them in the public eye somebody had to say something!

Opportunities

“I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.” ~Mark Twain

How often do we let fear rule our actions and instead of following our dreams we miss out on what could have possibly been an event/occurrence that would be life changing? Have you ever gotten to the ledge, arms out-stretched and instead of allowing yourself to free fall you step backwards and cling to the wall? This is the story of my life. More often than not fear of failure or rejection has propelled me backwards there are only one or two occasions in which I followed my heart and just jumped. I can’t really say how my life would be different had I done what I wanted to do or said what I wanted to say because at the time I was too much of a chickenshit to find out. I don’t know if I can attribute my reluctance to act on fear or my habit of agonizing over a decision before I finally make it… I mean I thought about my netbook for DAYS before I finally ordered it and it’s not like that was a life changing decision and yet I made it into one. I added the damn thing to my cart and left it there for so long…going back and forth starting the ordering process only to back out when it was time to choose my shipping method. It took me long enoughn but in the case of my computer at least I did finally take a deep breath and place my order. Other decisions haven’t been as simple or easily made. Most of the time my indecision has caused me to miss the boat. I guess I could look at it as everything that has happened to me was supposed to happen or as people love to say “it happened for a reason.’ Perhaps instead of dwelling on what I didn’t do, I should just accept I did make a decision, as obviously deciding NOT to act is a decision in itself.

I wish I could say that I am going to make a vow to be more spontaneous, grab life by the balls come what may and scream what the hell….BUT how do you undo a 32year old habit?