funny

How muscular are your thighs??

*Another myspace post*


A few years ago I drove down to Statesboro visit my girlfriend, her new beau, a most importantly an old “friend” of mine. My girlfriend *Keisha was all excited about her new boo and telling me what a great guy he was and how she wanted all of her friends to meet him. I had a few days off so I was like what the hell…
The first day we all hung out, feasted on crablegs that *Mike bought for us. Afterwards we drove down to Savannah to take in a movie….

The next day Mike kept giving me strange looks but I thought perhaps I was being paranoid so I just brushed it off…sometime around mid-afternoon Mike asks me to go to the store with him so he can show me this gift he was thinking of purchasing for Keisha. I promptly told him no. Then Mike gets my friend involved by telling her to ask me to go so I could see this “gift” for her.(very) Reluctantly I get into the car with Mike and we head on down to the Mall (otherwise known as the Small to all former GSU students). Anyway Mike steers me toward the jewelry store and takes me up to the counter and tells the sales lady to show me the ring he was looking at earlier. She looks up in surprise and says “You’re going to show it to her?” He responds “Yes, I want to see if she likes it or not.”

Perhaps I’m a little crazy but that conversation made me really uncomfortable. The sales lady rushes back to the counter with this ring and hands it to me. I held it between my thumb and index finger and I say “Hmm that’s nice.” and I attempt to put it back on the counter. They both then tell me to try it on!!! My hands were trembling at this point and Mike wraps his arm around my waist (WTF!) I put the ring on held my hand up and quickly removed it. I slid away from Mike while he and the saleswoman discussed the price of the ring. He tells her he will be back and we leave.

Mike tells me in the car he was going to order the ring in platinum for Keisha and it should be back soon…. I was quiet for the ride back to Keisha’s apartment. As soon as we got back I hopped in my car and drove to Sonic for a milkshake and to clear my head.

I went back to Keisha’s apartment and she was there alone, Mike left to go run errands. Keisha and I sat around, watched tv and caught up on the latest….during this time hours began to pass and Mike was not back in Keisha’s car..so needless to say Keisha was pissed. They began to bicker back and forth on the phone. I hate confrontation so I decided to take another drive. When I got back Keisha was still alone and considerably more calm.

Mike finally showed up..only to change clothes and go out again. It got late so Keisha went to bed and I was bunking on the couch. I was attempting to get some rest because I was making the drive back to Atlanta the next day.
I woke up suddenly feeling like someone was watching me… I looked over to the love seat and there was Mike and his friend sitting in the dark staring… they both got up at that point and Mike tells me he is about to take his boy home.
I fell asleep almost instantly. Again I am awakened, this time to Mike standing over me tugging at my blanket. I started kicking frantically he backed away and went down the hall towards the bedroom. My heart was pounding and I was thinking to myself what in the hell just happened? Somehow I managed to fall asleep again (stupid I know) only this time to wake up and find Mike standing over me again squeezing my thigh through the covers… when I catch him he says “I was trying to see how muscular your thighs were.”

At this point I am scare sh*tless! I mean my girlfriend is right down the hall in her bed and her man keeps stalking me on the couch. For some reason I still don’t understand I fell asleep again!!! The next time I wake up it was 6:30 a.m. ever so quietly I get up, get dressed and write my friend a note telling her thanks and I’ll call her soon. Just as I am trying to sneak out this fool calls my name from the back room!!! Asking me if I would like to go to the International House of Pancakes…. since when do people call IHOP by it’s whole name…but whatever… I ignored him…he calls out again and I say no… all this racket wakes my friend and she comes and sees me out.

I was so freaked out by this dude I made it back to my apartment in no time! I crawled in my bed and slept for the rest of the day!

Trapped in a bathtub

I’ve been pretty slack about blogging on the regular, but recently I was talking to one of my Sorors who has been encouraging me so I am going to try to do better. I felt like pulling a few of my older myspace posts to share here on blogger just for the heck of it…

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Trapped in the bathtub…..

Before I begin I must start off by saying there aren’t 25 installments to this story a la R. Kelly this happens to be the only occurrence in this unfortunate incident (Thank God!)

Picture it (Ha! Thanks Sophia) Atlanta 2001… I was living the life of a typical college student. I’d moved to the city earlier that year from Statesboro and there were times that I missed my friends that I left behind a lot…and this day was one of those times. I was talking on the phone to my old flame we were laughing and bs-ing around when he invited me down for a “visit” so being the impulsive little thing I was I said ok, “See you tomorrow.”

Fast forward to the next day… I slid into town unnoticed (hey they ain’t call me Quiet Storm for nothing!) so I head on over to Mr. Flame’s dorm. We hung out, went to dinner with his roommate and returned to their room and this is when all the drama began…

The evening was going well enough. I was watching tv as good old Mr. Flame hung out with the rest of his roommates til bedtime. Finally he comes to the room and climbs into bed beside me. We were laying there talking just shooting the breeze when suddenly out of no where we hear…….FIRE ALARM!!! So hear I am supposedly being incognito in town to see Flame and get my fire stoked when a real fire may be burning!
Instead of using that good ole rational logic that I love to use at all times I decided to employ just plain stupidity…. instead of deciding to go downstairs during the fire drill with the rest of the people in the dorm..my dumb a** decides I am going to hide in the room til it’s over because I do not want to be seen in town and especially with Flame. So while Flame and the roommates go downstairs I go hide out in the bathroom…in the bathtub to be more specific. Of course while in the tub this is when paranoia settles in…. I started to think “What if the building is really on fire?” “They are going to find my dead body in a bathtub cause I was too embarrassed to go outside.” I must add crouching in a bathtub for over an hour does nothing for your sanity…I mean there was no way I could go outside now, right? I mean hell I ignored the alarm, ignored the resident assistant’s knocks on the room door to make sure all of her charges were outside as they should be. I just knew if I went outside into the fray after being in the bathtub for that long the Fire Marshall was going to hand me over to the police or at least give me a stern talking to in front of all of the dorm while I stood there eyes glazed over from the shock of it all in my AKA t-shirt and panties…. Uhhh No Way Jose! What would my mother think????
I opted to remain in my little hide out til Flame got back about an hour and a half later laughing his ass off. All I have to say that was the longest damn fire drill I’ve ever had the displeasure of not participating in!