I am a big ol’ introvert. Social gatherings tend to drain me and I avoid them if I can, but I have two coming up that cannot be missed. This is going to be interesting to say the least. Coming up first we are going to the beach with my in-laws 6 adults and 6 children then the following weekend we are going to a reunion with my side of the family and I don’t even have a head count on that one. It usually takes me a few days after attending an event/gathering to recharge and just feel “normal” again and I suspect after two weekends of back to back activities I am going to be about as useful as a wet piece of notebook paper.
The prospect of getting away is exciting and I know the kids are going to have a blast, but I am just wondering how to deal and keep myself from shutting down because of over-stimulation…. seeing that written out is so first world problem-ish here I am worried about how to handle being on vacation when some people would kill to go on a vacation… I guess that kind of puts it in perspective, but I know myself so this feels like a hot mess waiting to happen. I am going to do my best to follow my own advice and find the silver lining and try to enjoy myself. Let us pray….LOL!!!
For the last 16 months or so I’ve been a SAHM and if I had to sum up the experience I don’t think I would describe in a way that would lead anyone to believe I am enjoying myself. I love being able to spend time with the newest addition to our family, BUT I feel so useless at times and mostly ashamed to tell people that I am not working. With the exception of the first year we moved to South Carolina, I’ve worked since I was 15 years old. I feel like I am floundering. I never envisioned myself knee-deep in diapers, constantly folding laundry and loading and unloading the dishwasher day in and day out. In no way am I trying to diminish or demean other SAHMs I am just referring to my experience. For the moms who choose to stay at home and are pros at managing the house and the kids while making it look a breeze my hat goes off to you. What you do is admirable and you deserve the utmost respect, me on the other hand, I suck. My sucky-ness could probably be attributed to the fact I’d rather be working. I am always encouraging my friends to look for the silver lining and find the bright side of most situation, but when I think about my period of unemployment all I can think about is I have a Masters degree that I am not using.
So far I have been pretty successful at keeping the jobless blues at bay, but lately when I search for a job and I don’t see anything its hard not to get discouraged.
My pics aren’t the best so don’t laugh! I was supposed to start the meal plan I purchased on Sunday…….. leave it to me to start all late and stuff BUT in my defense I didn’t go grocery shopping until today….. So for dinner we ate Tuesday’s meal, Wings with Apple Celery Slaw. It was surprisingly good. I was a little worried about the slaw, but it was pretty good too. My only complaint is my hands still smell like celery! LOL!!!! The girl loved the wings she told me “these are great mom! I can’t stop eating them.” The hubs seemed to enjoy them as well. The boy is in this picky eater stage so he ate a PB&J.
Tomorrow’s menu consists of porkchops topped with an apple and onion chutney served with basmati rice. I have the chops in the fridge in a brine and I need to go turn them over before I turn in for the night. Stay tuned…
Growing up I thought my dad was larger than life. He was my personal Super Man. Like most little girls I was a Daddy’s Girl…. I thought my daddy could do anything and if I’m honest there are still times I still feel this way. So when he called me Friday to tell me he’d gone to the doctor and they’d diagnosed him with Type II Diabetes I felt a little discombobulated. My rational side knows this is no biggie with a proper diet, exercise and possibly medication he’ll be just fine, but the little girl in me is uneasy.
I feel as if the roles have reversed now though…. instead of him worrying about me I will be worrying about him when I never did before. I guess I never realized there would be a day that I would have to be concerned about my dad….. Lucky for him though he has 2 daughters that are armed with public health degrees and we are going to be on his case!!!! I have already sent him information to read and information on changing his diet so he better watch out, because although I did not inherit his assertive nature I can be quite persistent when I put my mind to it. He’s going to be compliant or else!!!!
Most of my friends know I have moments when I am social and others when I am perfectly content staying at home. I am not the best at small talk and being in situations where I don’t anyone can be difficult. I can’t really explain it… there are times when I meet people and I can talk to them like they are old friends and others where I am struggling to think of things to keep the conversation going.
Last week the hubs told me his coworker and wife were having a baby shower and he told him we would attend. As the day approached I was feeling a bit iffy about going to such a special gathering and not knowing anyone. We walked in and all of the ladies were very friendly so my initial uneasiness quickly melted away. The lady sitting next to me was super chatty and friendly so being in the group wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought. We played a few games and ate a TON of great food! The mom to be is from Panama and dad is from Jamaica so there were all sorts of goodies… unfortunately or maybe fortunately I was wearing some shape wear so it was impossible to overeat! LOL!
I definitely enjoyed myself and I am glad that I decided to go… maybe the Semi-Social Butterfly is coming out of her shell.
Three years to the day our family moved to South Carolina we moved again…. our final destination being El Paso, TX. In the midst of our travels we made a pitstop in Georgia to say goodbye to our families and also because The Girl and I were in my sister’s New Year’s Eve wedding. We spent Jan 1 laying around so that we could hop on the road bright eyed and bushy-tailed the next day.
True to fashion I’d done my research so I knew what to expect in terms of mileage, but NOTHING could have prepared me for the actual trip. El Paso, Texas is about 1600 miles from my mother’s house in South Georgia and roughly 1 day and 1 hour away according to Google Maps. I have NEVER EVER been a long road trip person… in fact anything over 2.5 hours drives me insane so to think I was going to be in the car for roughly 2 or 3 days traveling with 2 kids was enough to make me consider getting a prescription for Valium. Day one the hubs drove while I alternated reading and harassing him for bathroom breaks. We made great time. We stopped for the night in Baton Rouge, LA and we even got to sample a local restaurant, Parrain’s, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Day 2 it was my turn behind the wheel…. all was well at first. I got us out of Louisiana and into Texas. I was checking the navigation every few minutes to note our progress. I thought we were making good time especially when I saw that we only had 150 miles until we reached San Antonio… or so I thought… apparently we had 150 miles to travel to the next highway once I realized my mistake I felt so deflated. I literally could have cried. I drove 6 hours until we reached Katy, Texas where we stopped for lunch and then once again the hubs took over…. he didn’t let me forget it either!!!! We rode for another 3 hours and settled for the night in Boerne. We got on the road around 9 or 10 the next morning and made it to El Paso around 4 pm Mountain Time.
It took a few days to get used to seeing everything in English and Spanish everywhere, but now I rarely notice. The biggest adjustment was to the 2 hour time difference. Strangely enough it wasn’t that I was going to sleep early I couldn’t fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning. Someone suggested I try melatonin and it worked; however it causes the strangest dreams!
So far our new city seems to be ok… I am definitely enjoying the scenery… the mountains are beautiful and there is a Super Target maybe a half a mile from our apartment (for those who know me they know I am in HEAVEN).
How do I describe my mood today?? Well my day started off okay nothing unusual. I’ve basically been zoned out, ipod bumping and working furiously (for a change). I was listening to a little Beyonce and afterwards I decided to listen to Alicia Keys’ As I Am a few songs in Tell You Something (Nana’s reprise) comes on and everything kinda just goes downhill. As usual I start to think of my grandmothers and how they are no longer with me *cue the waterworks* hell I’m tearing up writing this now.
My mom’s mom died in 1992 she was 53 years old and I was 14. She’s been gone so long that sometimes its easy to forget and others I am acutely aware of her absence. My dad’s mom was with me a little longer, she passed away in 2007 just two weeks before her 74th birthday. She got to meet my husband and daughter and for that I am forever grateful.
I’d really like to say more about them and how much they meant to me, but since I can’t stop crying in my cube to even begin to reminisce I guess I will stop here before my nosy neighbor comes over. I guess today was just one of those days.