It’s All About Perspective

I am a big ol’ introvert. Social gatherings tend to drain me and I avoid them if I can, but I have two coming up that cannot be missed. This is going to be interesting to say the least. Coming up first we are going to the beach with my in-laws 6 adults and 6 children then the following weekend we are going to a reunion with my side of the family and I don’t even have a head count on that one. It usually takes me a few days after attending an event/gathering to recharge and just feel “normal” again and I suspect after two weekends of back to back activities I am going to be about as useful as a wet piece of notebook paper.

The prospect of getting away is exciting and I know the kids are going to have a blast, but I am just wondering how to deal and keep myself from shutting down because of over-stimulation…. seeing that written out is so first world problem-ish here I am worried about how to handle being on vacation when some people would kill to go on a vacation… I guess that kind of puts it in perspective, but I know myself so this feels like a hot mess waiting to happen. I am going to do my best to follow my own advice and find the silver lining and try to enjoy myself. Let us pray….LOL!!!

Sigh

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 For the last 16 months or so I’ve been a SAHM and if I had to sum up the experience I don’t think I would describe in a way that would lead anyone to believe I am enjoying myself. I love being able to spend time with the newest addition to our family, BUT I feel so useless at times and mostly ashamed to tell people that I am not working. With the exception of the first year we moved to South Carolina, I’ve worked since I was 15 years old. I feel like I am floundering. I never envisioned myself knee-deep in diapers, constantly folding laundry and loading and unloading the dishwasher day in and day out.  In no way am I trying to diminish or demean other SAHMs I am just referring to my experience. For the moms who choose to stay at home and are pros at managing the house and the kids while making it look a breeze my hat goes off to you.  What you do is admirable and you deserve the utmost respect, me on the other hand, I suck. My sucky-ness could probably be attributed to the fact I’d rather be working. I am always encouraging my friends to look for the silver lining and find the bright side of most situation, but when I think about my period of unemployment all I can think about is I have a Masters degree that I am not using.

So far I have been pretty successful at keeping the jobless blues at bay, but lately when I search for a job and I don’t see anything its hard not to get discouraged.

Day One

My pics aren’t the best so don’t laugh! I was supposed to start the meal plan I purchased on Sunday…….. leave it to me to start all late and stuff BUT in my defense I didn’t go grocery shopping until today….. So for dinner we ate Tuesday’s meal, Wings with Apple Celery Slaw. It was surprisingly good. I was a little worried about the slaw, but it was pretty good too. My only complaint is my hands still smell like celery! LOL!!!! The girl loved the wings she told me “these are great mom! I can’t stop eating them.” The hubs seemed to enjoy them as well. The boy is in this picky eater stage so he ate a PB&J.

Tomorrow’s menu consists of porkchops topped with an apple and onion chutney served with basmati rice. I have the chops in the fridge in a brine and I need to go turn them over before I turn in for the night. Stay tuned…

He’s Only Human

Growing up I thought my dad was larger than life. He was my personal Super Man. Like most little girls I was a Daddy’s Girl…. I thought my daddy could do anything and if I’m honest there are still times I still feel this way. So when he called me Friday to tell me he’d gone to the doctor and they’d diagnosed him with Type II Diabetes I felt a little discombobulated. My rational side knows this is no biggie with a proper diet, exercise and possibly medication he’ll be just fine, but the little girl in me is uneasy.

I feel as if the roles have reversed now though…. instead of him worrying about me I will be worrying about him when I never did before. I guess I never realized there would be a day that I would have to be concerned about my dad….. Lucky for him though he has 2 daughters that are armed with public health degrees and we are going to be on his case!!!! I have already sent him information to read and information on changing his diet so he better watch out, because although I did not inherit his assertive nature I can be quite persistent when I put my mind to it. He’s going to be compliant or else!!!!

 

Pleasantly Surprised

Most of my friends know  I have moments when I am social and others when I am perfectly content staying at home. I am not the best at small talk and being in situations where I don’t anyone can be difficult. I can’t really explain it… there are times when I meet people and I can talk to them like they are old friends and others where I am struggling to think of things to keep the conversation going.

Last week the hubs told me his coworker and wife were having a baby shower and he told him we would attend.  As the day approached I was feeling a bit iffy about going to such a special gathering and not knowing anyone.  We walked in and all of the ladies were very friendly so my initial uneasiness quickly melted away. The lady sitting next to me was super chatty and friendly so being in the group wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought. We played a few games and ate a TON of great food! The mom to be is from Panama and dad is from Jamaica so there were all sorts of goodies… unfortunately or maybe fortunately I was wearing some shape wear so it was impossible to overeat! LOL!

I definitely enjoyed myself and I am glad that I decided to go… maybe the Semi-Social Butterfly is coming out of  her shell.

Just Call Me the LoneStar Peach

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Three years to the day our family moved to South Carolina we moved again…. our final destination being El Paso, TX. In the midst of our travels we made a pitstop in Georgia to say goodbye to our families and also because The Girl and I were in my sister’s New Year’s Eve wedding. We spent Jan 1 laying around so that we could hop on the road bright eyed and bushy-tailed  the next day.

True to fashion I’d done my research so I knew what to expect in terms of mileage, but NOTHING could have prepared me for the actual trip. El Paso, Texas is about 1600 miles from my mother’s house in South Georgia and roughly 1 day and 1 hour away according to Google Maps. I have NEVER EVER been a long road trip person… in fact anything over 2.5 hours drives me insane so to think I was going to be in the car for roughly 2 or 3 days traveling with 2 kids was enough to make me consider getting a prescription for Valium. Day one the hubs drove while I alternated reading and harassing him for bathroom breaks. We made great time. We stopped for the night in Baton Rouge, LA and we even got to sample a local restaurant, Parrain’s, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Day 2 it was my turn behind the wheel…. all was well at first. I got us out of Louisiana and into Texas. I was checking the navigation every few minutes to note our progress. I thought we were making good time especially when I saw that we only had 150 miles until we reached San Antonio… or so I thought… apparently we had 150 miles to travel to the next highway once I realized my mistake I felt so deflated. I literally could have cried. I drove 6 hours until we reached Katy, Texas where we stopped for lunch and then once again the hubs took over…. he didn’t let me forget it either!!!!  We rode for another 3 hours and settled for the night in Boerne. We got on the road around 9 or 10 the next morning and made it to El Paso around 4 pm Mountain Time. 

It took a few days to get used to seeing everything in English and Spanish everywhere, but now I rarely notice.  The biggest adjustment was to the 2 hour time difference. Strangely enough it wasn’t that I was going to sleep early I couldn’t fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning. Someone suggested I try melatonin and it worked; however it causes the strangest dreams!

So far our new city seems to be ok… I am definitely enjoying the scenery… the mountains are beautiful and there is a Super Target maybe a half a mile from our apartment (for those who know me they know I am in HEAVEN).

 

 

Missing you…

How do I describe my mood today?? Well my day started off okay nothing unusual.  I’ve basically been zoned out, ipod bumping and working furiously (for a change). I was listening to a little Beyonce and afterwards I decided to listen to Alicia Keys’ As I Am a few songs in Tell You Something (Nana’s reprise) comes on and everything kinda just goes downhill. As usual I start to think of my grandmothers and how they are no longer with me *cue the waterworks* hell I’m tearing up writing this now.

My mom’s mom died in 1992 she was 53 years old and I was 14. She’s been gone so long that sometimes its easy to forget and others I am acutely aware of her absence. My dad’s mom was with me a little longer, she passed away in 2007 just two weeks before her 74th birthday.  She got to meet my husband and daughter and for that I am forever grateful.

I’d really like to say more about them and how much they meant to me, but since I can’t stop crying in my cube to even begin to reminisce I guess I will stop here before my nosy neighbor comes over. I guess today was just one of those days.

 

 

 

Time flies when you’re having fun…

So I wrote this last week and forgot to post it… since a little birdie told me I haven’t blogged in a long time I thought I would publish this draft. I should also say umm… ma’am you haven’t blogged either…

Last week The Girl and the Hubs both had birthdays and since it was a holiday weekend he was able to fly home to spend a little time with us. Of course the kids were ecstatic to see their dad and I was not short on smiles either!

The weekend seemed to be a nonstop flurry of activity, but in reality we didn’t do a whole lot. Saturday we took family pictures which is something we haven’t done since the boy was 2 months old and now he’s two and a half! I must say the pictures turned out quite well and I was so glad that the kids cooperated long enough for us to get some great shots.

Later that evening we went out for dinner at this little Hibachi restaurant not far from where we live. We thought the kids would get a kick out of seeing their food cooked in front of them and we were right. After dinner we had to rush home so a certain someone could watch the UGA game… I won’t even comment on the outcome.

Sunday was a pretty lazy day until late in the afternoon when we decided to take the kids to the park and to Baskin Robbins for ice cream!  After we got home it seemed  as if the evening began to progress at the speed of light because before I knew it, it was time for bed.

Monday morning was upon us before we knew what hit us and soon we were on the road to take the hubs back to the airport. This was the first time the kids have gone with me to drop him off so needless to say it wasn’t a pretty picture. The Boy cried in spurts and The Girl silently cried into her tissue. At one point while we were driving she turned to look out the back window and was reaching back towards the airport. She nearly broke my heart. I was acutely aware of her pain because at that age too I was a daddy’s girl. My daddy was larger than life and something like a super hero who I loved to be around and I definitely see that in her. Eventually she calmed down and was pretty much back to normal, you know talking me to death!

This week is the halfway mark in the hubs training class so we have 9 more weeks to go… I hope and pray they go fast!

You’re In The Army Now…Sorta… My Life As An Army Wife (Part 2)

Thank God that year of deployment passed quickly and shortly after his return we were married. Our little family was complete. Getting married was the easy part. The hard part was getting acclimated to my new role as an Army Wife and mom. We were stationed at Ft. Stewart in Hinesville, GA home of the 3rd Infantry Division. We did not live on post so subsequently I didn’t know many other wives. That first year I was pretty much oblivious to the military life although I was a part of it.

We bought our first house, moved in, and I got to try my hand at decorating. It was an exciting time. Soon we were celebrating our one year anniversary and the very next day he went back to Iraq. Driving away from the post was heartbreaking. I remember calling my mom and sobbing “He just left.” She talked to me for a few minutes and calmed me down and I slowly drove home.
The girl child was 18 months old when he deployed for the 3rd time and every bit of a daddy’s girl. Initially I was able to answer her question of where’s daddy with daddy’s working, but soon even her young mind began to grasp that daddy had a very different job.

I kept myself busy by participating in activities with my Sorors and attending meetings in Statesboro once a month. Luckily my mom and in-laws were only two hours away so if things got too hectic they were only a short drive and we could go home as often as we liked. My mom and mother-in-law definitely helped get us through that 15 month separation.
Life went on while the Hubs was gone. I started a new job and graduate school. I tried my best to keep the girl child and myself busy. Unfortunately, while he was gone I lost my grandmother. We tried to request emergency leave for him through the Red Cross, but since she was my grandmother and not considered a close relation he was not allowed to come home to attend the funeral with me. My maternal grandmother passed away when I was 15 so losing my dad’s mother hit me hard. I wasn’t able to grieve long because I had a daughter to look after and a household to manage so like always life went on.

The hardest part of this deployment for me was people telling me how grateful they were for my husband’s service and how brave they thought I was! Me and brave in the same sentence. That was certainly not something I was used to be called. I didn’t feel brave either. More often than not I felt very afraid and helpless, but if I haven’t learned anything else from my husband I learned how to suck it up and move forward.

The hubs came home for 18 days of R&R and it was pure bliss. The girl and I were so happy to have those few weeks with him, but again it was torture seeing him go. The rest of his deployment passed quickly. We frequently called and chatted via the computer so it wasn’t as difficult this time around. Before I knew it he was coming home! At the end of May 2008 he returned.

Just when we thought that the Hubs coming home was the best thing happening to us we found out (36 days after his return) that we were expecting! Talk about a pleasant surprise! True to form though, things were anything but normal. While deployed he was promoted to E6 which meant he was now an NCO which brought forth more responsibilities and sometimes longer hours. If that wasn’t enough we were on orders to PCS in December so there was much to be done in a short amount of time!
Luckily we were only moving to Columbia, SC so it wasn’t terribly far but trying to coordinate a move while pregnant was definitely interesting to say the least!

Time to dig out my cape

Well folks it’s that time again…. the hubs has to go away for training so I’ll be home alone with the kids. The first part of the training is only for about 6 weeks and then he’ll be home with us for 2 weeks, buuuuuut then he’ll be leaving again April 1st heading to Fort Leonard Wood until August!!!! I know it could be worse… At least it’s not another 15 to 18 month deployment to Iraq.

 I’d grown used to his absences, but since moving to South Carolina he’s stayed put and we’ve become accustomed to him being around. This is going to be especially hard on Aidan because he’s always been around for him unlike when Kyleigh was his age he was deployed. Every day when we get home he barely gives me time to unlock the door before he’s running inside looking for his dad. I don’t know how I will be able handle seeing his little face fall when his daddy doesn’t answer.

I was referred to as Super Mom today by one of my friends, although I don’t quite feel like one I know its time for me to dust my cape off and get on the job. Our routine is going to change,  not drastically I hope, and we are going to have to work out a system that flows smoothly for the three of us. I expect it will be difficult at first, but we’ll figure it out. I suspect we’ll be doing tons of art projects and Kyleigh and I will be baking a lot to take their mind off daddy. We’re going to make it work OR I will being seeing a mental health specialist preferrably a psychiatrist for a prescription of the strongest mood stabilizers/anti-anxiety drugs he can give me!